The Queen Bee is down

Well I finally proved that Im not superwoman and had to spend some time in the clinic yesterday because I contracted pneumonia. Im not doing to well and Im far away from my friends and the people I need, even though my family are doing a wonderful job.

Defining moments

From the time I was about 22 years old I made decision not to allow peoples words, adjectives or labels define me. And as a rule, I dont. But events over the last month have caused an even more acute "belly button "syndrome than usual. I find myself being obsessively introspective as you can probably tell by the increased ramblings on this blog!!!!!!! Had a run in with a client of mine this week who as usual, attacked what I was wearing as it was not within his cultural context of acceptable wear and he suffers from intolerable "unrelenting standards" sickness. Very self and other critical. I was expecting it and wore the diamond shirt as an act of defiance against my depression which was not lifting caused by severe withdrawal from various people that I love in my life. And it seemed to bring ME some relief ven though others in Mauritius would not understand and looked at me in a rather bemused way.

I have started thinking about the way I define myself and came up wih the following labels:

woman
Christian
Consultant
mother
wife
lover
hypocrite
passionate
loyal
friend
coach
counsellor
customer
lesbian
methodist
south african
english
deep
intense
strong
fierce
expat
traveller
expert

Question is - how can all of these begin to live together?

Being Me

In spite of my best efforts not to care and to separate the different things I do in my life I find myself worrying about people. The collegue going through a divorce; so and so who is lonely another is sick. And then there's my family. Are they going to be permanantly scarred by the uncontrollable passions of their slightly eccentric mother and partner who is constantly wandering and wondering?

The worst thing in the world about being me - is being me.

Are you mine?

Three O clock in the morning,

My day is dawning;

Early birds are singing.

You can see it in my eyes;

That it comes as no suprise to you;

And you know my heart is yearning,

For your loving.

Are you mine?

Are you my one and only girl?

Are you mine?

Madagascar

Where are we going? - Edward Monkton

Where are we going?
I dont know. I thought you knew.
No, I dont know. Maybe she knows.
No. She doesnt seem to know.

PAUSE

Maybe no-one knows

PAUSE

Ah well - I hope its nice when we get there.